5 Tips for Living With A New Roommate

For many, meeting a college roommate can be one of the most memorable relationships they will have in their lifetime. However, memorable doesn’t necessarily mean positive. While some will become lifelong friends with their roommate, others will have no shortage of horror stories about the person, or people, they shared their living quarters with at college.

All students living with a new roommate need to adjust in some way. Whether living with a stranger or someone more familiar, roommates can have a major impact, positive or negative, on one’s college experience. From little things like playing their music too loud or taking up too much space in the refrigerator to larger issues such as arguments or inappropriate behavior, knowing how to cope with a new roommate can help ease the transition of adjusting to college life.

Here are some helpful tips for living with a new roommate:

Keep An Open Line Of Communication
It may seem obvious, but that’s because it’s important! Little things like exchanging phone numbers or sharing a class schedule with one another can go a long way. If there are certain times that you want to use your room for sleep, study, or social situations, be sure to share this with your roommate and try asking them the same questions.

While a roommate can quickly become a close friend, it’s important to remember that it is possible to have a positive relationship with your roommate even if you don’t spend much time apart outside the room. It’s okay to have different social circles. As long as you feel comfortable and safe in your living situation then it’s hard to ask for much more out of a roommate.

Keeping an open line of communication can also be important for certain emergency situations. Perhaps you have locked yourself out of the room and need a way in, having your roommates phone number would certainly be useful. But it can also help in more pressing situations. While we do not advise sharing any more medical information than required, sharing certain conditions such as food allergies, epilepsy, or other physical restraints are necessary to ensure your, or your roommates, safety. If you are not comfortable sharing this information or your roommate does not feel comfortable accommodating your needs, reach out to the school’s residence life staff.

Establish Boundaries
Remember, your dorm is your home too! Be sure to put an emphasis on what the most important boundaries are you wish to convey. Establishing boundaries can be as simple as identifying something obvious like not eating each other’s food or making sure dirty laundry is put away properly. But other situations may require more proactive conversations. Say you have to get up early for class multiple times a week. Convey this to your roommate so they can be aware that you may be going to bed earlier than them at certain times. If your roommate was unaware of this and woke you up one night when they returned to the dorm with some friends, it could lead to a conflict. Remember, what your roommate knows about you is only what you share with them.

“Speaking on one issue at a time helps create a calm environment instead of introducing a barrage of complaints you may have, putting the other immediately on the defensive.” says Emily Graham, MSED, NCC, LCMHC and Uwill’s Director, Counselor Success “Having conversations like this in person are important because you can both see each others’ body language and there is less room for misinterpretation.”

Try To Keep An Open Mind
As we’ve established, not all roommates will become friends. However, that doesn’t mean your relationship can’t be cordial. Students who are paired with others from a different economic background, geographic area, race, sexual orientation, political affiliation, etc. can feel an immediate disconnect from one another and that is totally normal. 

“Try to enter the relationship with curiosity. You both will have a history before you met each other; neither is better or worse than the other.” says Graham “Ask questions about things you don’t know about or understand, and seek to understand rather than to judge. People are different and that is perfectly normal.”

If there is ever a feeling of not being safe, or if the situation is beyond your control, please connect with your residence life staff to support you.

Compromise Is Key
It won’t always be easy, but accepting that a positive relationship with your roommate cannot happen without compromise is a key step in building a relationship with one another. Compromising can include a spectrum of topics such from decorating a room to working around one another’s academic and social calendars. Like any living situation, conflicts will most certainly occur whether they are spur-of-the-moment or built up over time. Still, it’s important to know when compromising is necessary.

“Remember to always try and come to the table together and try and both come half way on issues.” says Graham “Even if you don’t completely agree, coming to a conversation ready to compromise will lay the groundwork for future possible disagreements.”

There’s More To Campus Than Just Your Dorm
Again, it sounds obvious because it’s true! You don’t have to spend every waking moment of every day beside your roommate. Trying to study while your roommate is binge watching sitcoms on Netflix? Check out the library! Need to prepare your breakfast in the morning but don’t want to wake up your roommate? Eat in the dining hall! Need to make some new friends outside your dorm? Join a club! Getting out of the bubble that is your dorm room is an important part of the college experience, especially if you and your roommate don’t hit it off socially.

Like any relationship, time apart is necessary so be sure to learn about what amenities your campus has to offer. On campus athletic centers can be an effective way to blow off steam or learning a new skill or hobby through social organizations can be a great way to meet others. If you need somewhere to vent and unload on how your roommate is driving you crazy, check out the campus counseling center and they may be able to provide you with tips and practices to help cope with your roommate.

If you are ever looking to speak with a mental health professional, register with Uwill and book your first appointment with a licensed counselor. Pick your therapist based on your needs and preferences and you can book your first teletherapy appointment in less than five minutes. Registering is fast and easy!

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